David Stewart, Jr.
The Decline of the Natural Family
Although the family has traditionally been the foundation of
society, the natural family has become the exception rather than the rule in
the
Consequences
of Family Disruption
By examining the consequences of the crisis of broken
families, we can appreciate some of the reasons why these trends are devastating
to individuals and to society as a whole.
Reports show that approximately 85% of youth in prison, 85% of children
with behavioral disorders, 75% of adolescents in substance abuse treatment
centers, 71% of all high school dropouts, and 70% of adults serving long-term
prison sentences come from fatherless homes.[6] Fatherless children average
significantly higher in terms of teen suicide, illegitimate birthrates,
incarceration and unemployment. 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless
homes.[7] 90% of all homeless and runaway children are
from fatherless homes and 85% of all children that exhibit serious behavioral
disorders come from fatherless homes. Because only a portion of each
age group grew up in a fatherless home, these statistics mean that children from
fatherless homes are 5 times more likely to commit suicide, 9 times more likely
to drop out of high school, 10 times more likely to abuse drugs, 20 times more
likely to end up in prison and to have behavioral disorders, and 32 times more
likely to run away than their peers who grow up in intact families with both
birth parents.[8] These trends persist even when
socioeconomic factors are controlled for.
Children in single parent families are more likely to
be in trouble with the law than their peers who grow up with two parents,[9]
and criminal behavior experts and social scientists are finding evidence that
the epidemic of youth violence and gangs are related to the breakdown of the
two-parent family.[10],[11],[12] One report states: "Cities reporting the
highest incidence of crime also have the highest percentages of single-parent
households. In fact, it would be nearly impossible to find a society
effectively rearing the next generation with a preponderance of fatherless
homes. The prison population reflects this observation."[13]
Marion G. Romney stated: "The failure of parents to teach their children
affects not only them and their children but whole civilizations."[14]
The home environment is a strong predictor of the
future behavior of children, and the impact of broken homes touches almost
every aspect of life. Children who lived
with only one parent had lower grade point averages, lower college aspirations,
poor attendance records, and higher drop out rates than students who lived with
both parents.[15]
These trends generally exist even when a stepfather is present. Children in single-parent families are two to
three times as likely as children in two-parent families to have emotional and
behavioral problems. 7 School children from divorced families are
absent more, and more anxious, hostile, and withdrawn than those from intact
families.[16]
A Chinese proverb states: "In a broken nest there are few whole
eggs.” Children who live apart from
their fathers are 4.3 times more likely to smoke cigarettes as teenagers than
children growing up in intact homes.[17]
Children with single parents were still twice as likely to have psychiatric
disorders, attempt suicide, and abuse alcohol, and three to four times more
likely to use narcotic drugs. Both male and female adolescents from non-intact
families more likely to engage in premarital intercourse than peers from intact
families.[18]
Daughters of single parents are 53% more likely to marry as teenagers, 164%
more likely to have a premarital birth, and 92% more likely to dissolve their
own marriages.[19]
In their book The Case for Marriage, Maggie
Gallagher and Linda Waite evaluated hundreds of studies that examine the impact
of family formation on children’s health.
They stated that divorce "appears to be literally making some children
sick."[20]
One study found that divorce made it fifty percent more likely a child would
have health problems. Children born to unmarried mothers are forty to seventy
percent more likely to die in the first year of life. Children and adults raised in single-parent
homes are more likely to die from a variety of causes, including suicide,
homicide, drug abuse, and accidental death, than their peers from intact
families.[21]
Joseph F. Smith stated: "There appears to be
something beyond and above the reasons apparent to the human mind why chastity
brings strength and power to the peoples of the earth, but it is so."[22]
The institution of the family brings psychological, mental, and spiritual, and
economic benefits. Linda Waite writes:
“Both men and women live longer, happier, healthier and wealthier lives when
they are married. Unmarried cohabitation...typically does not bring the
benefits - in physical health, wealth, and emotional well-being - that marriage
does."59 William Galston, former assistant to the President of
the United States for Domestic Policy, notes: "You need only do three
things in this country to avoid poverty - finish high school, marry before
having a child, and marry after the age of 20. Only 8 percent of the families
who do this are poor; 79 percent of those who fail to do this are poor."[23]
Nonmaternal Care
Numerous studies document the developmental risks of
problem behavior and insecure attachments “associated with nonmaternal child
care initiated in the first year, especially on a full- or near full-time
basis."[24]
Research demonstrates that mothers who leave the home for employment less than
a year after a child's birth are exposing that child to real and lasting
psychological risk.[25]
Studies have shown that "children whose mothers worked at all by the
ninth month of their life had lower scores on a [standard test of child
cognitive development] at 36 months than did children whose mothers did not
work by that time." Across all ages, children of a mother employed outside
the home"spend less time in … play, structured activities such as church,
family activities… and learning time such as reading."[26]
Researchers conclude that these deficiencies "reflect differences in time
spent at home and availability of a second parent." The activities missing
from the lives of children in employed-mother homes appear to be the very ones
that foster cooperative behavior. Having a full-time parental presence in the
home is what is best for young children.
The care and attention children get from even “a top-notch day care
center” is inferior to what they would get at home with a parent."[27]
A recent study suggests that improving children's
academic performance may have more to do with keeping Mom at home than it does
with strengthening the public schools.[28] Researchers found living with a married
mother fosters significantly higher math achievement, while "higher
maternal working hours are negatively associated with math achievement.” Having
a married mother also predicts "gains in reading recognition," while
"higher maternal work hours have negative effects." In contrast,
higher work hours for the father “actually promote reading recognition.” The authors remark that the effect of school
environment is only modest, while the impact of family environment on academic
achievement is stronger.
A letter to the editor of one newspaper states:
"...[I]t amazes me that we need a study to tell us that child care is not
the best place for children...Our lives are full of choices and the
consequences of those choices. Should I laugh or cry when I read about the
firefighter whose wife is in college, so their child has to attend day care?
Our children are not pets, and an upscale standard of living is not an
entitlement. It's all in the choices that we as parents decide to make."[29]
In contemplating the decision to
send a mother to work outside the home, many families overvalue things and
undervalue people. Ezra Taft Benson
states: “A child needs a mother more than all the things money can buy.
Spending time with your children is the greatest gift of all.”[30]
Communism and the Family
The role of the family cannot be replicated by social
programs or institutions. When the
Bolsheviks came to power in
Church Attendance
Church attendance of families during formative years
plays a lasting role in the lives of young people. One author writes:
"Increased religious service attendance of parents significantly increases
their moral expectations and supervision of their adolescent
children...Accumulated scholarship provides ample empirical evidence that
religion is a factor in the lives of American adolescents that often influences
their attitudes and behaviors in ways that are commonly viewed as positive and
constructive."[33]
Another researcher writes: “Sociologists have shown that regular
churchgoing correlates highly with civic involvement, charitable giving,
volunteering, and other publicly crucial behaviors. The level of regular
churchgoing is therefore a matter of civic, not merely ecclesiastical
concern."[34]
Christian researcher George Barna found that 61% of
U.S. adults who attended church as children still attend regularly today, while
nearly four-fifths those who were not church-goers as children are still absent
from churches.[35]
The survey also found that adults who attended church as a child are
twice as likely to report reading the Bible during a typical week as those who
avoided churches when young; twice as likely to attend a church worship service
in a typical week; and nearly 50% more likely to pray to God during a typical
week. Barna has also noted that over two-thirds of those who make a decision to
accept Christ do so by the age of fourteen.
Children are unlikely to remain active in church
unless both parents are regular churchgoers.
One Swiss study notes: "If both father and mother attend regularly,
33 percent of their children will end up as regular churchgoers, and 41 percent
will end up attending irregularly. Only a quarter of their children will end up
not practicing at all. If the father is irregular and mother regular, only 3
percent of the children will subsequently become regulars themselves, while a
further 59 percent will become irregulars. Thirty-eight percent will be lost. If the father is non-practicing and mother
regular, only 2 percent of children will become regular worshippers, and 37
percent will attend irregularly. Over 60 percent of their children will be lost
completely to the church."[36]
Training Children in Faith
President Harold B. Lee taught: “the greatest work you
will do will be within the walls of your home."[37]
David O. McKay stated: “no other success can compensate for failure in the
home.”[38]
Elder Dean Larson observed: "The patterns we set in our homes and the
values we develop there, whether they be good or bad, almost cannot be
overcome."[39]
Elder Neal A. Maxwell taught: "Good homes are still the best source of
good humans."[40]
He also noted: "Those who do too much for their children will soon find
they can do nothing with their children. So many children have been so much
done for they are almost done in."[41]
How do we develop the kind of environment in our homes that fosters the
training of children who will serve the Lord and contribute to society?
Consistent patterns give structure and form to family
life. Family prayer, daily book of
Mormon study, and weekly family home evenings are important for teaching our
children as well as ourselves. President Ezra Taft Benson taught that Book of
Mormon study as a family for thirty minutes each day brings greater love into
our homes, expands our knowledge of the gospel, and gives us a greater ability
to resist temptation.[42]
Parental example has a lasting influence on
children. President David O. McKay
stated: "The law of cause and effect is working in parenthood as it is in
any other law of nature. There is a responsibility upon all, and especially
upon fathers and mothers, to set examples to children and young people worthy
of imitation. Parents must be sincere in upholding law and upholding the
priesthood in their homes, that children may see a proper example."[43]
He further taught: “"In teaching there are three ever-present factors:
first, what the teacher is; secondly, what the teacher says; and thirdly, what
the teacher does. The least important of these is what the teacher says; the
other two are most vital in child training. It is worse folly for a teacher to
attempt to teach something which he himself does not believe. There is a sixth
sense in most of us, and particularly in children and youth, which
instinctively detects the inconsistency between pretension as expressed in
words and reality as it exists in thought and feeling. A dishonest teacher
cannot effectively teach honesty, nor an atheist teach belief in God, nor an
immoral one teach purity of life. True teaching springs from the heart, not
from vocal chords."[44] Psychologists have documented that
strong negative conditioning occurs when children are told to do one thing
while parental example sends a conflicting message. Elder Sterling W. Sill
noted: “We should remember that any disobedience to God or any other offenses
that we pick up in our own lives are soon transmitted to others, particularly
our children. That is, the power of example is the greatest power in the
world.”[45]
Lord commanded all the children of
President Gordon B. Hinckley stated: "Good homes
are not easily created or maintained. They require discipline, not so much of
children as of self."[46] Building a strong family is not the
result of chance or circumstance, but of specific behavioral choices. Having two parents whose example and conduct
consistently reinforce the gospel message is vital, with daily family scripture
study, family prayer, home evening, and other activities to fortify our
homes. Lehi observed: “I know that if ye
are brought up in the way ye should go ye will not depart from it” (2 Nephi
3:5). It is much easier to provide a
good upbringing for children than to attempt to remedy the consequences of a
bad one. Parents have a divine
obligation to teach their children, and the Lord declares that when children
are not properly the gospel by parents, the sin will be “upon the head of the
parents” (D&C 68:25). Against
tremendous odds, some individuals are able to establish patterns of gospel
living gospel habits in spite of a lack of an ideal environment in the family
of their birth. Gandhi observed, "I
have also seen children successfully surmounting the effect of an evil
inheritance. That is due to purity being an inherent attribute of the
soul."
Happiness in the Home
The philosopher Johann Wolfgang von Goethe noted:
"He is the happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his
home." Fyodor Dostoevsky starts his novel Anna Karenina: “All happy
families are happy alike, all unhappy families are unhappy in their own way.” While this is undoubtedly an
oversimplification, there are some common characteristics are present in many
happy homes. The Proclamation on the
Family states: “Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when
founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and
families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer,
repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome
recreational activities.”[47]
Mother Teresa states: "Sometimes it is harder for us to smile
at those who live with us, the immediate members of our families, than it is to
smile at those who are not so close to us. Let us never forget: love begins at
home." Brigham Young taught:
"We should commence our labors of love and kindness with the family to
which we belong, and then extend them to others."[48]
Good communication and daily sacrifice are necessary for success in the
home. Andre Marois stated: "A
successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day.” Every marriage has its challenges, but our
families are worth the sacrifices that are required.
Dress and Grooming Standards and Morality
Tattoos, body piercings, and suggestive or immodest
dress are ultimately destructive to the family.
Studies have found that teens with strong religious views are
significantly less likely to engage in premarital sex than less-religious
teens.[49]
Teens who have their bodies tattooed or pierced in locations other than
the ear generally reject traditional morality and are far more likely to engage
in premarital sexual relations, abuse illicit drugs, and even commit suicide
than their peers.
Divorce
Jesus taught: “Moses because of the hardness of your
hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not
so"(Matthew 19:8). In most cases,
divorce impoverishes both men and women.[50],[51] Divorce has devastating emotional,
psychological, behavioural, and health consequences on children that are not
improved with remarriage. One study
found that like children in single-mother homes, children living in
reconstituted families had over twice the risk of children in intact families
of suffering from psychological problems.[52] A researcher notes: "Many studies have
documented an association between marital disruption and a wide range of deleterious
effects in children...[S]tudies on the effects of remarriage on children
generally fail to show a beneficial effect."
The Future
Stephen Covey stated: “I am convinced that if we as a
society work diligently in every other area of life and neglect the family, it
would be analogous to straightening deck chairs on the Titanic.”[53] Societies that choose to neglect God’s
divinely revealed laws regarding the family face an inevitable spiral of decay
that is not reversed by education dollars, sponsored child care, or social
programming. No social program can
ultimately succeed while morality and family values are neglected. One might as
well vote against the law of gravity as to attempt to solve spiritual and family
problems through social policies divorced from morality. No program will ever
be able to compensate for the reality that children need two loving parents in
the home.
The Proclamation on the Family of The Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints states, in part: “we…solemnly proclaim that
marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is
central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children. Husbands and wives - mothers and fathers -
will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations. The
family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His
eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and
to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity
…We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse
or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand
accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family
will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold
by ancient and modern prophets. We call
upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote
those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental
unit of society.”[54]
LDS prophet Howard W. Hunter stated: "A worried
society now begins to see that the disintegration of the family brings upon the
world the calamities foretold by the prophets. The world's councils and
deliberations will succeed only when they define the family as the Lord has
revealed it to be. 'Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that
build it' (Psalms. 127:1).”[55]
By examining the trends of the increase in births out of wedlock ,
divorce, and abortion, we cannot doubt that the future will bring greater
challenges than those already experienced. We might do well to remember the
words of Lord in the Book of Mormon: “Inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments
ye shall prosper in the land; and inasmuch as ye will not keep my commandments
ye shall be cut off from my presence” (2 Nephi 4:4).
Setting our Heart Right
Mother Teresa stated: "I think that the work of
the Church in the developed and rich Western Hemisphere is more difficult than
in Calcutta, South Yemen, or other areas where the needs of the people are
reduced to the clothes needed to ward off the cold, or a dish of rice to curb
their hunger -- anything that will show them that someone loves them. In the
West the problems that people have go much deeper; the problems are in the
depths of our hearts.” Most sins that
disrupt family life begin in the heart.
Jesus declared: “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time,
Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a
woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart”
(Matthew 5:27-28). Selfishness, greed,
and bad priorities are also destructive to families.
The most important heart each of us can change is our
own. Confucius taught: "To put the
world in order we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in
order, we must put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must
cultivate our personal life; and to cultivate our personal life, we must first
set our hearts right." Christ
taught: “it any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his
cross, and come after me” (Matthew 16:24).
Twenty-five centuries ago, the Prophet Malachi wrote: "Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse” (Malachi 4:5-6). Only by turning the hearts of the fathers to the children and hearts of the children to the fathers and establishing enduring love in our homes can redemption from the judgments of God be achieved for individuals and societies.
[1] Many of the articles referenced in this paper are cited in a more detail in the newsletters of the World Congress of Families (http://www.worldcongress.org/). This article would not have been possible without their excellent reporting.
[2] Fagan, Patrick F.,
"The Breakdown of the Family," Issues '98: The Candidate's Briefing
Book (Washington, D.C.: Heritage Foundation, 1998). As cited in Capitol Watch, June 2000
[3] “Survey: Only a quarter of
[4] National Fatherhood Initiative, Father Facts, (3rd Edition): p. 5.
[5]
[6] “Fatherless Homes Breed
Violence.” Fathering Magazine News.
http://www.fathermag.com/news/2778-stats.shtml
[7]
[8]
[9] Elshtain, Jean Bethke."Family Matters: The Plight of
[10] Justice Dept. Issues Scary Report on Juvenile Crime," San Francisco Chronicle (9/8/95).
[11] “Crime Wave Forecast With Teenager Boom." San Francisco Chronicle. 15 February 1995.
[12] “New Evidence That Quayle Was Right: Young Offenders Tell What Went Wrong at Home.” San Francisco Chronicle. 9 December 1994.
[13] State of the city of
[14] Romney, Marion G. LDS
General Conference Report, April 1969, p.108.
[15] McLanahan, Sara and Gary Sandefur. Growing up with a Single
Parent: What Hurts, What Helps.
[16] One-Parent Families and Their Children: The School's Most
Significant Minority. The Consortium for the Study of School Needs of Children
from One-Parent Families. National Association of elementary School Principals
and the Institute for Development of Educational Activities, a division of the
Charles f. Kettering Foundation.
[17] Stanton, Warren R., Tian P.S. Oci and Phil A. Silva. "Sociodemographic characteristics of Adolescent Smokers." The International Journal of the Addictions 7 (1994): 913-925.
[18] Billy, John O. G., Karin L. Brewster and William R. Grady. "Contextual Effects on the Sexual Behavior of Adolescent Women." Journal of Marriage and Family 56(1994): 381-404.
[19] Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, as quoted in Atlantic Monthly (April 1993).
[20] Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher. Why Married People Are
Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially.
[21] Gunilla Ringbäck Weitoft, Anders Hjern, Bengt Haglund, and
Måns Rosén, "Mortality, severe morbidity, and injury in children living
with single parents in
[22] Smith, Joseph F. Gospel Doctrine p. 274.
[23] as quoted in Stanton, Glenn T. “Why Marriage Matters for Children.” 22 May 2003. http://family.org/cforum/fosi/marriage/facts/a0028317.cfm
[24] Belsky, Jay. "Quantity Counts: Amount of Child Care and Children's Socioemotional Development." Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics. 23.3 [2002]: 167-170.
[25] Jeanne Brooks-Gunn, Wen-Jui Han, and Jane Waldfogel. "Maternal Employment and Child Cognitive Outcomes in the First Three Years of Life: The NICHD Study of Early Child Care." Child Development 73[2002]: 1052-1072.
[26] Sandra L. Hofferth and John F. Sandberg. "How American Children Spend Their Time." Journal of Marriage and the Family 63[2001]: 295-308.
[27] Belsky, Jay. "Quantity Counts: Amount of Child Care and Children's Socioemotional Development." Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics. 23.3 [2002]: 167-170.
[28] Parcel, Toby L. and Mikaela J. Dufur, "Capital at Home and at School: Effects on Student Achievement," Social Forces 79[2001]: 881-912.
[29] Larsen, Angela.
"Staying home is worth it." Letter to the Editor,
Register-Guard (
[30] Benson, Ezra Taft. Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson. p. 515.
[31] Laurie Bernstein,
"Fostering the Next Generation of Socialists: Patronirovanie in the
[32] Laurie Bernstein, "Fostering the Next Generation of Socialists: Patronirovanie
in the
[33] Smith, Christian. "Research Note: Religious Participation and Parental Moral Expectations and Supervision of American Youth," Review of Religious Research, June 2003, Volume 44:4, 414-424; http://www.youthandreligion.org/publications/docs/research-note.pdf.
[34] Stackhouse Jr., John G. “Where Religion Matters.” American Outlook. Fall 2002. pp. 40-44.
[35] Barna, George. “Adults Who Attended Church As Children Show
Lifelong Effects.” 5 November 2001. http://www.barna.org/cgi-bin/PagePressRelease.asp?PressReleaseID=101&Reference=B
[36] Robbie Low, "The
Truth About Men & Church, Touchstone, June 2003; referencing Werner Haug
and Phillipe Warner, "The demographic characteristics of linguistic and
religious groups in Switzerland," in Werner Haug, et al, Population
Studies No. 31, (vol. 2): The Demographic Characteristics of National
Minorities in Certain European States, Council of Europe Directorate General
III, Social Cohesion, Strasbourg, 2000.
[37] Lee, Harold B. Ensign, July 1973, p. 98.
[38] McKay, David O. LDS General Conference, April 1964.
[39] Dean L. Larson, Ensign, May 1983
[40] Maxwell, Neal A.
Ensign, October 1974, p.71.
[41] Maxwell, Neal A. CR April 1975 p. 150.
[42] Benson, Ezra Taft. “The Keystone of our Religion.” Ensign.
January 1992.
[43] McKay, David O. Secrets of a Happy Life. p. 54
[44] McKay, David O. Secrets of a Happy Life. p. 54
[45] Sill, Sterling W. Conference Report April 1960, p.68.
[46]
[47] The Family: A Proclamation to the World. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. September 23, 1995.
[48] Young, Brigham. Discourses of Brigham Young p. 271.
[49] Sean T. Carroll et al., "Tattoos and Body-Piercings as Indicators of Adolescent Risk-Taking Behaviors," Pediatrics 109 (2002): 1021-1027.
[50] Linda J. Waite and Maggie
Gallagher. Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off
Financially.
[51] McManus, Patricia A., and Thomas A. DiPrete. "Losers and Winners: The Financial Consequences of Separation and Divorce for Men," American Sociological Review 66[2001]: 246-268.
[52] McMunn, Anne N. et al., "Children's emotional and
behavioural well-being and the family environment: findings from the Health
Survey for
[53] Covey, Stephen R. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families.
[54] The Family: A Proclamation to the World. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. September 23, 1995.
[55] Hunter, Howard W. LDS General Conference, October 1994.